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The day I realized I have anxiety... 6:57pm 13/07/20

So today I have realized I have anxiety. I knew about the depression and the OCD but the anxiety I had no idea about until I get a job offer in another state and have to up route my life. Leave my niece and my nephews in care, my boyfriend, my friends. Everything. Its an amazing opportunity to continue my career and improve everything but I cant leave knowing how I feel about him and the kids being here. Can I? I've replace regular thinking with the realization that I'm not ok, I haven't dealt with the break up and I'm still on the path of self destruction. Drugs drinking and closing off is now catching up with me. I never knew I was so anxious until I was faced with the depression of leaving my life in SA to begin and entire new life in WA I never realized I was depressed OCD and anxious. I may have said all of this before but that's because I'm drunk and I cant remember what I wrote before. I've just sat on the shower floor drinking for 45 minutes because I cant believe I actually have anxiety and panic attacks. Finding it hard to breathe, shaking, crying, feeling useless and like I don't know what to do in any situation. It scares me and for once I cant wait for my therapist appointment rather than avoiding it and telling everyone I'm fine.

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