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Perhaps... 5/9/20 3:37pm

My subconscious is still against me.

Flooding my head with dreams of her still.

I don’t miss being with her I just miss my friend.

Waves of emotions still plague me.

Awake or asleep the clouds roll in relentlessly never catching a break. Haunting and mocking, drowning me in darkness. Ive felt close before but not like the last time. The last time the bitter vibes and deep swell of waves hit With a force I’ve never known. The power of them pulling me under made me tired. Made me want to give up And I started to drown. Falling effortlessly deeper and deeper into the depth of the unforgiving waves. Limp, lifeless, not wanting to keep going. The demons were surrounding, making the air escape my lungs and not refilling themselves. Is this it? Is this how it will end?

Have I really battled this long just to drown in the harrowing storm in my head?

Feeling my body jolt my eyes fly open and I’m sitting on the floor with the blade held against my wrist. I blacked out, it took over me. But the thing is the only thought that crossed my mind in that jolt, was knowing my luck it wouldn’t have killed me anyway. I still woke up, I still didn’t get my release Or my happiness.

Perhaps one day I’ll be more confident it’ll work.

Perhaps I’ll finally be rid of these demons. Perhaps I’ll find my peace.

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