Gave in... 1:29pm 8/6/20

I haven posted in a while because I've been embarrassed and ashamed. More so disappointed in myself then anything. The demons in my head and their screams got too much. The feeling of anger and then feeling nothing, the rage and confusion of the situations got the better of me. I couldn't do it anymore. Everything just building up, its weird isn't it how the darkness comes in two types, the depressed heavy feeling needing release while they taunt and mock. Then there's the rage and numb feeling that you don't care about what happens to you but the mocking remains. Instead of telling you that you wont do it they turn to telling you that they've won and that your numb anyway, you don't care about yourself anyway so why fight!

Anyway so i have had a major break down in an angry way. Turns out I've just stopped caring. I'm done, done caring I'm doing me now. Screw the past, screw everyone trying to bring me down. I'm moving on, i simply dont care. Why try beat the demons when you can flip that switch and join them. Drinking, smoking, dancing. Losing weight, seeing friends and just moving on. i know this post may alarm people because i say drinking and smoking but honestly im fine for the first time in forever. Its like on vampire diaries when they flip their humanity switch and they just dont care and start living to the fullest and having nothing but fun. Thats kinda how i feel. I'm done caring and im done trying to be what everyone else wants. The demons are no longer my enemies, theyre friends fight now. I've embraced their care free fun party lifestyle.

I know people will be worried but please don't be. For the first time in a long time, I'm fine.