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Contemplating the ways... 25/8/20 12:54am

The weakness has returned, the regulars scars appearing. Eyes swollen all the time and the bags under my eyes getting bigger. Stress levels are more than I can take and the dim light I once saw is getting darker. My body is limp and losing energy, its power, the will to keep going. I have lost my car, the kids are becoming distant, I could lose my house and everything I've ever worked so hard for. I was so positive, getting everything back on track. I've missed my tablets a few times in the last couple weeks and my mental health plan has meant no more therapist. Been battling alone lately and for a while I felt great till the car and everything little by little fell apart. Now that I'm faced with losing everything I've spiralled. No up this time, no light, no "hope" not that that's a good thing anyway.

After the deepest cut I've personally done the thoughts and temptations of slitting my wrists and bleeding out seizing on the bathroom floor listening to the trickle of blood flowing down the drain is sounding more and more appealing. Tying a rope from my neck and jumping from the bridge in town. Jumping off the jetty with cinder blocks chained to me. Anything to end it. Anything at all. I cant be here much longer and as much as its scaring me feeling this way its making me more calm. I simply couldn't care anymore. I plain and simple just want this to be over. I need it to be over.

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