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A little too deep this time... 20/06/2020 1:58am

The demons I my head and I have made friends now, I have accepted that they're here for good and fighting them makes me weaker and them stronger. They still tell me I'm not good enough, that there will be others better than me, thinner, prettier, talented even. Rather than cutting I drink, take drugs and do what I want when I want. I can never fight them and win, nothing good comes from fighting...

Drinking cheap wine until I feel nothing, until I'm numb that's when I should've stopped. They egged me on to keep going. Indulge further they persuaded whispering seductively. Pushed until i caved. The razor blade sitting right there, like a bat signal radiating from it that only I can see. Sitting there in the dim light shining in from the moon in the window. The floor is so cold laying there with nothing on, the smooth surface of the tiles against my body as the salty tears slowly drip from my swollen, embracing the steady rise and fall of my chest my eyes close knowing damn well what is about to happen.

My body is weak, I'm exhausted, mentally physically and emotionally. I cant do it anymore, I've stopped cutting for a while now. I'm disappointed in myself I've prevented it for this long how can I give in? Crawling my way weakly over to when the blade glistens, suddenly all the emotions rise up and without hesitation the blade has already run across my thigh. The emotions drift away and the tears instantly stop flowing. Watching the skin separate so easily, like a hot knife through butter. So effortless, the stream of red seeping between the cells in my leg. The slow trickle making a shallow puddle on the tiles beneath my thigh sends that wave over me. The wave of bliss of peace like everything in the world and my life is ok again. The pressure is gone, pain in my chest is leaving and the calm has overcome me with satisfaction and relief.

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Aug 24, 2020

Thanks so much. Makes me happy to know someone reads them. If I’m open and raw about what I do and how I feel maybe people will feel less alone. Love u sis xxx


*hugs* your poetry is so raw. Thank you for being so open and honest xx

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